Who am I?

I know the basics.. my name, my age, my parents yadda yadda yadda! But who am I deep down in side? What do I believe in ? What do I stand for? These are all things that I have been asking my self lately.  I was raised Mormon, but lately I haven't been living Mormon. I have felt guilty about some things, but when this guilt creeps in i've been asking my self. "Do I feel guilty because I REALLY think this is wrong? or just because I've been raised to believe it is?" Now before you freak out and say all the churchy things you want to say let me continue. I know the difference between right and wrong, I have morals, ethics and values. They may just not be the same as yours, but does that make me a bad person? I sure hope not. 

I am still searching within my self trying to find what I believe. Finding what makes me happy, what gives me hope. If I feel like going to church I will go. If I don't I won't. 

Crossroads

January 2011- My life was on track in several ways and off track in a few others. But I was pretty happy. I had a job that I loved, and worked with some of the most amazing people I had ever met. When I was fired on Valentines Day I was left in shock. I couldn't stop crying. I had worked so hard at that job. I LOVED MY JOB! Now, I was left with a desire to teach, and a certification to be a Medical Assistant. I started looking at job openings, there were plenty. I enjoy the medical field, but I wasn't so sure about the patient care part anymore. I really enjoyed teaching, I loved the way a student would all the sudden get something. It would finally click. Or I would work with them on something that they were struggling with and then they would take their test and they would pass. It was amazing, it was fulfilling. So, I started thinking, when I thought about teaching I felt good. So, I decided to go back to school. I enrolled at UVU and am going to get a Biology Education degree. I made a choice but now I am terrified. I have never felt very smart. I have to go take an assessment test before I can enroll in classes. It scares me, what if I can't do it? What if I don't? 

Baring my soul

Do you ever feel like this? 

 Lately I've felt a lot like this

And as soon as I get a good running start... it just ends like this. 

I started this blog today for the soul purpose of being able to say anything I want. This isn't tied to my other blogs so people can't find it that way. I have either emailed you or told you about this blog so that means I trust you. I love you. And while I know that some of you will be disappointed in some of the things I reveal in my posts, I know you will still love me.


I need my friends. I have some big decisions ahead of me and I need your ears and shoulders to cry on and listen to my babbling. And while I am not asking for anyone to fix my problems. I do ask that you please comment, some times seeing things another way opens the door for a solution. I also welcome your comments so that I know that someone is actually reading it too.


Please don't share this blog with anyone if you would like to put it on your blog list please name it something not associated with my name.. I would like to keep it public so that you don't have to sign in to read it every time, but I will make if private if I feel like things aren't staying "private".


Thank You for being so wonderful to me. Some of you for a short time and others for a lifetime. I love you!