I am still searching within my self trying to find what I believe. Finding what makes me happy, what gives me hope. If I feel like going to church I will go. If I don't I won't.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Who am I?
I know the basics.. my name, my age, my parents yadda yadda yadda! But who am I deep down in side? What do I believe in ? What do I stand for? These are all things that I have been asking my self lately. I was raised Mormon, but lately I haven't been living Mormon. I have felt guilty about some things, but when this guilt creeps in i've been asking my self. "Do I feel guilty because I REALLY think this is wrong? or just because I've been raised to believe it is?" Now before you freak out and say all the churchy things you want to say let me continue. I know the difference between right and wrong, I have morals, ethics and values. They may just not be the same as yours, but does that make me a bad person? I sure hope not.
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That does NOT make you a bad person. I think that we all make decisions that lead us down roads that are not the best. Because I've made some pretty dumb choices during the last few years, I am in a place I never thought I'd be in and in a position where my marriage is shaky at best. Believe me when I say that we are not bad people. What we do might not be the best, but WE are not bad.
ReplyDeleteI, like you, was raised Mormon, lived Mormon, and I consider myself Mormon but don't go to church.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make me bad. The gospel is still true, but the people aren't. I got tired of watching teenagers acting like a**es, spewing profanity and putting chastity far away from their minds and then going to church on Sunday the same week and finding them blessing the sacrament. Were they worthy? Are there no consequences for their actions? Do their parents know how they act in real life?
While you are figuring things out, just remember the ten commandments. Yes, it's considered the 'lesser' law, but how far down the list can you go and still say "I don't". Have I murdered? No? Good. Have I coveted someone's spouse? No? Good. Do I keep the Word of Wisdom? I don't drink, don't smoke, OK, Caffeine Diet Coke is my downfall. You get the idea.
Just because things haven't gone the way you hoped, doesn't mean that God hasn't answered your prayers. Sometimes No is the best answer for us, we just don't know it at the time. I found a quote that is really good: "God's three answers to prayers: 1) Yes 2)Not yet 3) I have something better in mind for you."
Hang in there.
(Katie's Aunt)